


One Taste and You'll Be Mine

by Aeromance



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5717884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeromance/pseuds/Aeromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry takes a fortifying breath and looks down at the boys, trying to find the proverbial needle in the Human Centipede haystack. Once he spots Liam’s head, Harry traces the Liam-owned body part dots until he finds the right hand. Harry ties his hair back into a ponytail as he whispers a prayer to every divine entity he is aware of. He jumps off the counter with a war cry: “To strike fear into the heart of the gender binary!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Taste and You'll Be Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stria (Asia117)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asia117/gifts).



> Fill for the 1D Aro-Ace Fic Exchange.
> 
> A special thanks to my beta and cheerleader, Mariah.
> 
> Extremely vague off-screen sex occurs. You've been warned. 
> 
> None of this should be taken too seriously.

_"It is important. Someone needs to tell those tales. When the battles are fought and won and lost, when the pirates find their treasures and the dragons eat their foes for breakfast with a nice cup of Lapsang souchong, someone needs to tell their bits of overlapping narrative. There's magic in that. It's in the listener, and for each and every ear it will be different, and it will affect them in ways they can never predict. From the mundane to the profound. You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows what they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift."_  

_\- Mr. A. H-_

_The Night Circus_

 

**Act One: Better than Sex**

 

It starts, like most unbelievable things, with a mysterious, unmarked gift.

The gift in question is an innocuous, medium-sized pink box left next to the front register in the One Decoction apothecary. Upon further inspection, the box is found to contain five assorted baked goods. Each sweet is multicolored and has an odd, twisting shape; none are easily identifiable as the usual confectionary suspects.

“I’m not eating those,” Liam announces loudly to the room and drops the lid back on the box. He pulls on a red and white robe while walking the perimeter of the shop. Each curtain draws open with a wave of his hand and he calls over his shoulder, “If you choose to, pick your poison quickly, we open in ten.”

Fidgeting with the hem of his robe, Niall keeps stealing glances at the pink box as he counts the till. “Well, they seem harmless enough.”

Once all of the windows are uncovered, Liam sidles past again. “Nine minutes, guys. Zayn, lights, please.” Dust covers start to gently lift themselves off of each shelf and fold into neat squares.

“We can tell time, Liam. Thank you.” Zayn grumbles. Reclining on the counter against the front window, Zayn sets down his book and sits up straight. He closes his eyes and chants four unintelligible words three times over until every candle in the shop is lit.

The dust covers slip under the front counter into a neat stack. As he steps by, Liam presses a quick kiss to Zayn’s cheek. “Thanks, Zaynie.” They share a quiet moment of soft smiles and shared breath before Liam snaps out of it. “Niall, Harry, eight minutes. Can you pretend you work here and aren’t just hopeless charity cases?” Liam turns around and starts darting through the aisles to check stock. “And where is Louis?”

“Maybe Louis made them.” Niall lets the register close, giving up on pretending to count through the till. “Who else has a key besides the five of us?” With a sack of coins still in hand, he looks at Zayn for reassurance. Zayn gives the box a once over. He shrugs and goes back to reading his book.

“Grimmy has a key, too.” Harry adds as he skips by, arms laden with books, candles, a large crystal ball, and several purple garments, before disappearing behind silver curtains.

Niall reaches over and pulls the lid off again. “Obviously, the owner has a key, Harry.” A heady, rich aroma permeates the room.

Zayn glances over the edge of his book. “’Cept Nick is in Romania swindling some poor wolves.”

“They smell so fucking good.” Niall murmurs, mouth watering, and reaches a shaky hand towards the box.

“Not Romania, Greece, the oldest known territory of lycanthropes, which is the proper term, Zayn.” Wearing only a pair of pants, with the purple garments tucked under his arm, Harry emerges from the curtains. “‘Wolves’ or other derivatives are considered pejorative. And Nick is not swindling, he is paying competitive rates for the ingredients that Niall needs,” Harry sniffs, his tone holding an edge of defensiveness. “Oh. I smell something yummy!” He skips behind the counter, grabbing from the box without looking and pops the choice into his mouth. “Mm. A caramel. My favorite!”

“Oi!” Niall drops the open bag and coins fly everywhere, metallic echoes reverberating throughout the store.

“Really, Niall?” Zayn sighs and hops off the counter to the opposite side. Leaning against the front door, he starts to read again.

Liam pokes his head out and yells. “Seven minutes! What was that? That doesn’t sound like till counting!”

Harry crouches down to help Niall return the coins to the pouch. “You stole one!” Niall accuses with watery eyes, betrayal stitched in every syllable.

Sweeping his hand under the counter for errant coins, Harry laughs. “Did it have your name on it?”

Frowning, Niall shakes his head. “No, but... but…” They stand up and Harry deposits the coins into the till.

Harry sighs and pulls Niall into a hug. “Sorry, Nialler. I know you like first pick, but…” Trailing off, Harry pulls away and looks over at the box, furrowing his brow in concentration. “But, that one is for you,” Harry smiles, pointing at one that is a spiral of bright gold and purple.

Niall sniffs but looks over in appraisal, “How do you know?”

“That’s a stupid question to ask the fortune teller.” Zayn glides over and shrugs on a marbled crimson and ivory robe while staring at the open box.

“I prefer diviner. I don’t really tell anything.” Harry shrugs at Niall with raised eyebrows. “It’s double chocolate.”

“Six minutes and I hope you all have your robes on!” Liam jogs back to the front and stops in front of the counter. “Harry, why aren’t you wearing any clothes?”

Leaning closer to the box, Zayn reaches out a hand. “They do smell really good.”

“Mine!” Niall cries, grabbing the one Harry pointed out and shoves it all in his mouth in one go. “Ohhh,” he moans and leans against the counter. “These are better than sex.”

“Doubtful,” Zayn mutters and grabs a deep tan confection with intricate looping lines etched into the top.

“Eat it, then say that.” Niall has a hand thrown over his eyes, no longer chewing but still making echoes of appreciation.

Liam snaps his fingers. “Five minutes. Harry, clothes?”

“Fuck, this is good,” Zayn whispers to himself and Niall groans in agreement.

Harry looks down at himself. “Oh, right!” He waves the folded clothes around. “I’m gonna go take care of that.” Retreating into the backroom, Harry calls out, “Liam, the very left one has pecans. You should try it!”

Liam peers into the box. “Oh, pecans? I do love those.”

“Don’t eat it, Liam.” Zayn pops the last piece in his mouth. “You said it yourself, they’re poisonous. Let Niall and I split it.”

Finished eating, Zayn leans over the counter and lets his head rest on the glass. Niall reaches out blindly behind him until he finds Zayn and rubs his back. “I told you. Better than sex.”

 

**Act Two: Dude Looks Like a Lady**

 

A bell chimes as the door swings open, letting the morning chill in.

Mouth full, Liam calls out. “Sorry, we’re still closed for another four minutes!”

“Great, I’m four minutes early, then!” Louis cackled, pulling on a robe, a perfect match to the three others. “What are you eating, Lee-yum?”

Liam covers his mouth as he finishes chewing. “Oh, I- um, something with pecans, I suppose.”

Tutting, Louis steps around the counter. “Desserts this early in the morning? You naughty boy. Oh!” His eyes land on the pink box and grabs it. “Did you leave any for me? Only one left?” Louis picks the last treat up and inspects it. Light from the candles bounce off of the coat of sprinkles, glimmering silver and green. “What luck! Such fortune. Kismet, dare I say?” Louis crows.

Unmoving, Niall croaks, “Don’t eat it, you’ll hate it, Louis. Let Zayn and I have it.”

Zayn groans his agreement. “’s poisonous. You’ll die.”

“Dirty habit, lying is.” Louis tsks, tossing the empty pink box over his shoulder. He stuffs the entire sprinkle bejeweled thing in his mouth and continues, crumbs spraying out of his mouth. “If you lie to your elders, a demon will crawl into your bed at night and bite off your silver tongue – didn’t your mothers ever tell you? Oh my fuck, this is so good.”

Liam checks his watch. “Three minutes left. Niall, how much is in the till?”

Straightening up, Niall coughs and glances around. “Uh... a lot? We’re very profitable.”

The curtain leading to the back room opens and Harry sweeps in. “Exactly what was in there last night before close. I marked the ledger, too.”

“Oh, thanks, Harry.” Liam sighs and turns around. “You’re- erm… Decided to go with a different outfit today?”

“Oh, you noticed? I’m glad you like it!” Harry beams and spins around, still barefoot. A long purple skirt is cinched around his waist and almost reaches the floor. Every movement makes the fabric slide and dance in small waves down his legs, a bright purple with threads of silver etched into swirling designs. His blouse spills over his shoulders and runs along every divot of his body like spilled mercury, clinging to body. The designs continue up into his top with countless characters and symbols melting into the lines around his chest and over his shoulders. The colors of each symbol shift in shades as Harry moves, all of the fabric breathing in vibrant strokes of unmistakable life. Harry’s long chocolate curls are draped over his left shoulder held together by a thorn-ridden vine of gold that circles around the locks several times.  The gold vine curls around the back of his head and twists up through his hair in a loping climb. It ends over his right ear and blooms into a shining pink rose laying against his temple.

Louis whistles. Harry preens and does another spin as he dances over to Louis, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“I love it, Harry. You look stunning.” Louis’ voice is loud and sharp like a whip as he looks expectantly at the other three boys.

Pivoting his head and opening one eye, Zayn murmurs, “It’s brilliant. Suits you.” Zayn closes his eyes, groans again, and arches his spine like a cat. “Keep rubbing my back, Niall.”

Niall chews on his bottom lip and rubs Zayn’s shoulders, pressing his thumbs into each bunch of muscles as he goes along. Turning his head, he gives Harry another once over. “It’s- wow. Did you make it yourself?”

Shimmying his hips, Harry looks down at himself, watching the fabric turn to a lighter blue, and laughs. “No, definitely not. Enchantment has never been my forte.”

A small, neat frown etches onto Liam’s face as he watches Niall. “I’ll take care of that, Niall.” He edges up behind Zayn and starts to rub his shoulders and back. Grabbing onto the corner of the counter with both hands, Zayn straightens his back and murmurs nonsensical appreciation.

“Right, sorry.” Niall snatches his hand away and blows out a long breath through his teeth. “Hey, Louis, could you keep your emotions to yourself? I actually got laid last night and I don’t like feeling your second-hand blue balls.”

“’s that what this feeling is?” Zayn slurs. “Please stop, then.”

“I’m not doing it! Well, wait.” Louis rubs his forehead and hums a low tone. “Erm, might’ve been. Sorry, should be good now.”

“Fuckin’ empaths,” Zayn mutters. “Keep going, though, Li.”

Louis wraps an arm around Harry’s back and clears his throat loudly. “We all love a good peep show, Liam, but…”

“What? Oh!” Liam shakes his head and gives Harry another quick up and down. “You really do look great, Harry.” Niall starts run a hand up and down Liam’s arm in soothing strokes. “Sorry, I, uh, I don’t-“ Liam stops short and bites his lip. “You know I don’t care what you look like, right? I mean, I just- this is all just so… Er, I mean, not this like that. I mean you. Or, rather, um.” Louis buries his head in Harry’s neck and groans.

“Ignore him,” Niall murmurs, running his fingers through Zayn’s damp hair.

“Hush, Louis. Go on, Liam.” Harry nods encouragingly.

Liam takes a deep breath. “What I mean to say is, I like you. For who you are. All of you, really.” He sweeps a hand around the room and looks down at the glass counter. “I never had friends before, not like this. Not like you lot. And it’s only been a few months. That’s what matter and I don’t care about anything else, really.” Liam looks back at Harry. “However you dress or whoever you want to be, er, intimate with.”

“Liam means or if you don’t want to be intimate with anyone.” Zayn chimes in.

Liam flinches. “Shit, right, sorry, what Zayn said. Whatever you want to do, so long as it makes you happy, I’m okay with. I know you’re a good person and a good friend. That’s the important part. I might not understand everything about you yet, but I’m trying because I want to be a good friend to you, too. I might just be a little slow on the take. Sorry.” Liam gives Harry a fragile smile.

Returning a grin of his own, Harry gives an easy wave. “No apology needed, Payno. I really appreciate the thought, though.” Louis makes gagging and retching noises into Harry’s neck. “You are a good friend. Unlike my flat mate here.” Still brightly smiling, Harry jabs an elbow into Louis’ ribs, ignoring the yelp and following string of swearing. “Who will be sleeping outside tonight and every night after if he continues to disrespect someone stepping out of their comfort zone and opening up about their feelings in such a sweet way.”

A deep red blooms in Liam’s cheeks. “Thanks, Harry,” he murmurs and hides his face between Zayn’s shoulder blades, running his hands up and down Zayn’s sides.

“Li, are you-“ Zayn trails off into low mumbling.

Harry frowns. “Louis, as much as I appreciate you trying to get back in my good graces, compliments and gifts are preferred to licking my neck. Didn’t Zayn just reiterate that?”

Pulling back, Louis coughs and rakes a hand through his hair, face flushed. “Sorry, Haz.” He blows a breath out through his teeth and squeezes his arm tighter around Harry. “I don’t know what I was thinking… I, uh, sorry.”

Someone raps their knuckles three times in quick succession on the window.

“Coming!” Harry shouts at the door. “What time is it?” He whispers, working on disentangling himself from Louis. “Louis, can you let go?”

“Dunno,” Liam mumbles.

“Ten past eight,” Louis reads off of Liam’s watch. Dropping his head back onto Harry’s shoulder, he proclaims gleefully, “And, no, I can’t.”

“Come on, then,” Harry hisses and stumbles around the counter, half-dragging Louis. “Louis, move! If this skirt gets torn, you will never sleep under a roof again.”

The threat has no effect on Louis’ level of cooperation in walking. “You wouldn’t curse me, you love me. And I love you,” he whispers smugly, pressing butterfly kisses along Harry’s shoulder.

“Don’t test me, Lou. Zayn has offered to write the spell three times. My love, morals, and integrity have a limit and ruining this priceless, irreplaceable, and unbelievably _gorgeous_ magical artifact will push you past those limits.”

The knocking starts again and doesn’t stop.

“I said, I’m coming!” Harry yells.

“You said it, you lo-o-ove me.” A fit of giggles wrack Louis’ body, making him even harder to drag.

Harry calls over his shoulder without looking, “Up and at ‘em, lads. We’ve got a shop to run.”

Looking up, Louis twists around to shout at the boys. “You heard Harry, lads. He loves me! Let’s work!”

Plastered against Zayn’s bent body, Liam growls, “I would fuck you right here, if I could.”

Louis snorts. “Kinky!” Turning back around, he shouts gleefully, “Harry, did you hear Lee-yum?” Louis trips forward and kicks his leg out an extra step to catch himself, dropping his full weight down onto Harry’s bare toes. The audible crunch makes Louis flinch, dropping his arms to his sides as he takes a large step back.

The knocking get quicker and louder until it sounds like someone is just banging their fists against the front door.

Harry starts screaming. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, no one needs ingredients this early in the morning, this urgently. If you do, go to an emergency healer!” He marches towards the door. “Louis, get those three sorted in the next sixty seconds!”

Louis glances back at the counter and chokes on his own spit. “Uh, Harry?”

“Do it!” Harry shrieks without looking back and takes a deep, ragged breath. He wrenches the door open, steps outside, and lets it shut again.

 

**Act Three: He’s an Angry Elf**

 

With a short bow, Harry recites their greeting in a soft, meek voice. “Welcome to One Decoction, the apothecary for all of your needs, from antidotes to Zoskia repellant. How can I help you with your clearly urgent needs?”

Their first customer of the day is a squat man in green suit, half Harry’s height. “Are you open or not?” he demands in a squeaky voice, pointing a finger at Harry. There is a grayish tint to the man’s complexion that matches the London skies.

Harry folds his hands behind his back and smiles as widely as he can. “I apologize for the inconvenience, sir, but we are still taking care of a few unexpected delays. If you could tell me what exactly you are looking for today, I can start preparing the items so they’ll be ready to go by the time we open. Which should be momentarily.”

“UNACCEPTABLE!” The man jumps and stamps his feet down several times. “I was promised that a liter of the essential oil of handpicked golden jewelweed, brewed and reduced in black pewter cauldrons only, would be ready by seven thirty am sharp and I demand it be presented to me this instant!”

Harry frowns and holds his hands out in supplication. “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no record of such an order and we never open before eight am.”

The man starts beating his fists against his knees, his face goes beat red as he continues to yell. “A promise is a promise. You cannot break a promise.”

“Sir, if you could just give me more information, I will do my best to fix this.”

“There are dire consequences to breaking a promise to me. Bring me the girl that promised me. She will pay dearly!” His voice rises in pitch as he goes on.

Harry cocks his head. “Hang on, what girl? I can’t bring her to you if I don’t have a name.”

The man pauses and takes a wheezing breath. “Penelope or Pamela. No, Penny or Periwinkle! Bring her to me!”

With a creak, the door cracks open and Louis pokes his head out. “Harry, we have a bit of a situation in here.”

“Bring me every girl you have and I will find the promise breaker! I can smell treasonous human flesh a mile away!” A small group has formed on the sidewalk, watching the scene unfold.

“Hang on, Louis. Do you mean Perrie with Little Mix, Bottle & Brewing?” Harry supplies.

“It’s a big situation, actually.” Louis squeaks.

A gleam shines in the man’s eyes and he smiles with pointed teeth. “Yes, that’s the girl. Bring me her and I will make the wretched girl pay!”

Glancing over to Louis, Harry does a double-take as he takes in his sweaty, flushed face and bare shoulders. “Louis, where’s your robe?”

A hoarse shout echoes from inside the shop. “Harder, c’mon!”

Louis is shaking, clutching the frame of the door with a white-knuckled grip. “A massive situation, really.”

The obscene encouragement gets louder, punctuated with high pitched keening. “Is that the girl? I must see her!” The short man shrieks and tries to dart around Harry.

“Okay! Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Harry reaches down and picks the man up by the armpits and spins him around. “Louis, get back inside. I’m coming.” Another voice inside echoes Harry’s last two words before the door swings shut.

“Unhand me, you heathen!” The man flails and kicks back, digging his heels into Harry’s stomach repeatedly, knocking the breath out of Harry.

With a wheeze, Harry drops the tiny green-suited man and steers him by the shoulders down the sidewalk. “Perrie is with Little Mix, Bottle & Brewing, just two doors down. Right there, see!”

He tilts his head back towards Harry, something like glee filling his eyes. “The treasonous one is in there for me to punish?”

Harry opens his mouth and pauses in consideration. “Fuck it, yes, she’s there. Go get her, buddy.”

The man breaks into a run, screeching threats with every step.

Spinning around, Harry yanks the shop door open and yells, “One Decoction is closed today, try Little Mix, Bottle & Brewing for all of your apothecary needs. They have better employees anyway!” He slams the door shut on any further arguments.

 

**Act Four: To Strike Fear Into the Heart of the Gender Binary**

 

Harry locks the door for good measure and shouts, his voice wearing thin, as he flips around. “What the actual fuck is going on in-“ The words die in Harry’s throat and he grips the door handle to keep himself steady. Laying on the floor, naked, are Liam, Zayn, Niall, and Louis, but it isn’t clear where any of them end or begin in the tangle of limbs, mouths, and other bits.

Louis pulls his mouth off and whimpers. “I’m sorry, Harry. I think- I think it was those…” His crystal blue eyes go hazy, unfocused, and he dives back in, hungrily, mouth first.

Darting across the room, Harry vaults over the orgy and slides behind the counter, grabbing Zayn’s tome and Niall’s satchel. Harry perches on the glass counter and sweeps the room several times while unwinding the gold rose from his hair and setting it aside. “Liam, where is your ring?” Muffled groaning is the only response.

Harry takes a fortifying breath and looks down at the boys, trying to find the proverbial needle in the Human Centipede haystack. Once he spots Liam’s head, Harry traces the Liam-owned body part dots until he finds the right hand. Harry ties his hair back into a ponytail as he whispers a prayer to every divine entity he is aware of. He jumps off the counter with a war cry: “To strike fear into the heart of the gender binary!”

Pained groans and indignant squawks ring out in tandem as Harry lands on the four of them. Arms start to push and pull at him, searching for weak spots. None of them are the hands he is looking for, though, so Harry starts to dig around, all sharp elbows, unforgiving knees, and, only as a last resort, merciless teeth. One hand materializes out of nowhere under Harry’s skirt and roughly cups his boy bits. “No means no, bitch!” Harry screams and bangs his knees together against the offending arm until it is withdrawn.

Twisting around, he finally finds Liam’s right hand again with only the thumb in the open air and visible. Harry drops his head with a defeated sigh. “Why is this happening to me?” The only answer is something hard pressing sharply into Harry’s lower back, forcing him into action. With both hands wrapped around Liam’s wrist, he starts to pull with all of his strength. “Liam, if I could just borrow your fingers for a second.” The arm starts to give and bend at the elbow. Harry doubles his efforts with a grunt. “You can resume your hygienically questionable activities after I’m done, I swear.” Liam’s fingers finally slide free and Harry cries in triumph. Before he can think too much on it, Harry slips the slick ring off and scrambles out from under the pile.

Without another look back, he grabs what he left on the counter and flees the room.

As soon as he is through the curtains, Harry drops everything and strips down to his pants, kicking the soiled outfit aside. Next, he lights several sticks of incense. Only then, does he grab everything he brought with him and spread it out on the table in the middle of the room: Liam’s ring, Niall’s emergency potion making kit, and Zayn’s tome of spell weaving.

A high keen filters into the room. Harry buries his head in his hands and screams back, a swoop of catharsis following his waling. With that sorted, Harry picks up Liam’s ring and stares hard at it from every angle. “Fucking useless unless I want to pin them to the four corners of the room until the potion wears off.” Harry pulls his arm back to throw the ring as hard as he can, but stops short and slides it on his finger. “That’s a last resort, then. 

Niall’s voice echoes in Harry’s mind from a distant memory. ‘Elixirs are almost always sweet and the strongest potency you can get, best for malicious purposes because you can sneak it into something else, like a drink, and no one will ever know.’ Harry turns out Niall’s bag on the table and starts sifting through the pre-made potions and basic ingredients Niall has. Each of the potions is for the most basic of things, like speeding up the body’s healing process and common poison antidotes. None of the ingredients stand out as anything Harry can recall the properties of either.

“Hopeless, absolutely hopeless!” Harry groans. “Why don’t you people write things down like Zayn?” Grabbing the heavy book, he flips it open on his lap and starts scanning through the pages, murmuring along. “Fire, no. Pain, no. Unending sorrow, no. Temporary blindness, no. A day long coma that inflicts a year’s worth of nightmares, definitely not.” After flipping through the entire book, the closest thing Harry finds is a spell that saps all of the love and attraction a person has for a specified individual but it doesn’t include a spell to reverse the effects.

Laying his head on the table, Harry bangs his fists on the marble a few times. “Louis should have been the one to be unaffected. He might have been able to suppress everything until it wore off. All I can do is…” Harry sits up and yanks his crystal ball to the edge of the table. With a wave of his hand all light left the room, leaving only the glowing swirl of mist inside the crystal.

Harry had never tried to use his powers on himself before so he just does what he does with everyone else. “I inquire on the behalf of Harry Edward Styles. I beseech the powers to be to reveal to me what is in your power to do.” In a small voice, Harry adds, “If that could be how to fix this, that’d be super.” Peering into the mist, Harry starts to run his hands along smooth crystal until it turns to liquid. Dipping his hands slightly further in, he wipes away the mist slowly until an image is revealed to him.  The image is of Harry in this very room with his cell phone tucked between his shoulder and ear. “What does that mean? Who would I call?” Harry snaps his mouth shut, never having previously dared to request clarification on his visions. But the image shimmers and flickers to life. Future Harry is pacing the room and throwing his hand out in violent gestures. Harry leans down, tilting an ear closer to the crystal. Future Harry’s voice explodes from the crystal in a piercing yell: “I thought you were in Greece!”

Breaking his concentration, Harry slides his hands out over the table in a wide arc, bringing light back into the room and leaving the crystal ball empty once again. In a shaky voice, Harry murmurs, “Thank you for your insight.”

 

**Act Five: Eat Some Pink**

 

Harry loses focus and the edges of his vision start to blur. Before he knows what he is doing, his cell phone is tucked against his shoulder and the line is ringing.

Nick answers on the second ring. “This can’t possibly be my favorite employee using electronic devices during work hours, a total violation of my ‘no tech’ work policy, can it? Tell me it’s Louis.”

Harry sighs. “Where is the antidote, Nick? You’re insane, not evil.”

“That’s hurtful. You must be Louis. My Harry would never say such things.” Nick pouts.

“At least you’re not trying to deny it. Just tell me where it is. The shop is closed and I think I sent a pissed-off Leprechaun over to Little Mix.”

“Marvelous!” Nick crows. “This turned out so much better than expected.”

“I thought you were in Greece.” He doesn’t yell this time around.

Nick laughs. “Oh, I am. Or was, rather. I’m on my way back now. But I had a courier deliver it.”

“You gave a courier a key?” Harry takes a deep breath. “Never mind, just tell me where the antidote is.”

“Of course not. I charmed the door to unlock itself for a ten minute window early this morning,” Nick scoffs.

“Nick.”

“Harold.”

“Antidote. Now. Please?” Harry lowers his voice to a tired murmur.

“First, tell me something. Why aren’t you with the boys, enjoying what I can only imagine is a ferocious orgy? Did you decide to save dessert for after dinner, hm?”

“No, Nick, I ate one. I was the first to eat one, actually.”

Nick hums. “Then, I ask again, why aren’t you out there, turning that abysmal four-way into a resplendent five-way? A star needs five points to connect with each other. And, baby, you’re a shooting star.”

“You’re not making sense, Nick. I’m getting tired of this conversation.”

“Don’t act like you have the power in this conversation, Harry. You called me for a reason. Why aren’t you out there with them? Why did a triple dose of an elixir originally meant to amplify sexual desire ten times over not have any effect on you?”

“Because I’m asexual, Nick.”

“Aha!” Nick barks out a laugh.

“Aha?”

“What a revelation that must be for you!”

Harry drops down in his chair and kicks his feet up onto the table. “Nick.”

“Harry."

“Nick.”

“What?”

“I knew that already.”

“Sorry, come again?”

“I, Harry Edward Styles, knew that I was asexual long before today.”

“I- what? Why are you still dating Louis, then? He’s not asexual!”

“We’re not dating, Nick.”

“Lies!” Nick sneers. “You live together, which you decided to do after knowing each other for weeks, you cook for him, and you two can never stop touching each other. It’s sickening.”

“It was days but we’re still not dating.”

“Do you have sex with him?” Nick asks with disgust.

“No, I’m asexual, I think we covered that already.”

“Does he have sex with other people?”

“You’d have to ask him that.”

Nick sighs in frustration. “I don’t get it, then! Does he know that you two aren’t dating?”

“He does, we’ve discussed it. I don’t really know how to explain it, Nick. We’re really close, more than friends, but not romantic or sexual whatsoever. That’s it.”

“Why didn’t I know that you knew you were asexual? It took me months to figure out! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Harry smiles. “You really wanna know?”

“Yes!” Nick shouts.

“Tell me where the antidote is first.”

“Don’t make me hang up on you.”

The smile turns into a smirk. “Don’t act like you have the power in this conversation, Nick. You’re still on the line for a reason.”

There’s a long suffering sigh. “The pink box.”

Harry leans forward. “I’m sorry?”

“The pink box. The antidote is the pink box. The pink box is the antidote.”

“So, you used a potion to force four of your employees into a gay orgy so the fifth could realize he was asexual and the antidote is me forcing each of them to eat some pink box.”

Nick laughs uproariously. “An elixir, but yes, exactly. Clever, aren’t I?”

Harry stands up and checks the time – nine fifteen. “Goodbye, Nick.” He pulls the curtain aside and steps back into the main room of the shop, surveying the damage. Several shelves are knocked over, countless bottles ruined.

“Wait! You have to tell me why you didn’t tell me that you already knew before I knew.”

Harry reaches out his free hand and the pink box flies into it. “You really want to know, Nick?”

“Yes, more than anything.”

Harry looks down at his boys, thankfully clear of any of the damaged shelves and broken glass, drenched in sweat and still making weak attempts to have a go at each other. He tears several small pieces of the box off as he replies. “Because, in some way, I already knew you were the type of person to disregard the importance of informed consent from four people to prove you were right about something that isn’t any of your business.”

Harry hangs up before Nick can reply and holds up the antidote. “Who wants to eat pink box, boys?”

First, he goes for Louis, the easiest. “Want a kiss, Louis? Open wide!” Louis pivots his head and immediately complies. Harry sticks a small piece as far back as he can and clamps his hand tightly over Louis’ mouth. “Swallow, please.” Louis does and lays down, all forced tension draining from his body. Easy as that.

Next, Niall goes much the same way. Harry gets bitten this time, though, and has to sit on Niall’s chest until he swallows it or it just dissolves. All the same, Niall eventually relaxes and lays down.

Zayn is a little leery of Harry and refuses to open his mouth and close his eyes. Harry takes one for the team and places a piece on his own tongue. He lays one hell of a kiss on Zayn, only pulling back once he feels Zayn totally relax.

Liam is the challenge.

They roll back and forth on the floor, Harry trying to pin both of Liam’s hands down as Liam screams bloody fucking murder. “I don’t wanna eat pink box, Harry, I don’t wanna eat pink box. Don’t make me!”

Harry manages to get on top of Liam and lets his dead weight hold Liam down. “This is for your own good, Li. Just open your damn mouth!” Pressing his lips into a tight line, Liam shakes his head furiously back and forth. Liam manages to squirm around enough to bring his knee up and crush the hell out of Harry’s bits. Harry rolls away with a cry and cradles his manhood. Through the tears, he sniffs, “Time to strategize.”

After a good, healthy cry, Harry stands up and thoughtfully watches Liam masturbate. Finally, he calls out, “Hey Liam, what don’t you wanna do?”

Liam stops and sits up. “Harry, I don’t wanna-“ The small shred of pink paper sails into the back of Liam’s throat and slides down his throat before he can cough it back up.

“I know, buddy,” Harry murmurs, rubbing Liam’s ring with his thumb. Liam slumps over and shuts his eyes. “You don’t wanna eat the pink box.”

 

**Epilogue**

 

“Pints!” Niall shouts, managing to balance five glasses between two hands as he slides back into the booth and distributes them around. “Next round is on someone who isn’t Harry.”

The pub is louder than usual for a Tuesday afternoon, celebration flowing in equal measure with drinks. After everything, they had all agreed to take the day off and reconvene for happy hour.

“Thanks, Nialler.” Harry nods at Niall, smiling.

“That’s not fair,” Zayn mumbles around his drink. “Niall never has to pay drinks here. He should be getting all of the rounds.”

Niall barks a laugh and shrugs. “’s not my fault people love me. Besides-“

Louis cuts Niall off with a flourish. “So, as I was saying. There are these tokens that, like, skim a little bit of feeling off the top of everyone that goes by them. If it’s a misery token and you’re sad, you’re a little less sad when you go by it. It’s completely unnoticeable to most people, mind.” With a gleam in his eye, Louis ducks down closer to the table. “So I hid four around the shop. They’re sadness, anger, disgust, and fear.”

“Heeey,” Harry cocks his head. “That’s not very nice. Some poor lady is going to start sobbing down in the sixth aisle and have no clue what’s going on.”

Holding a finger up, Louis takes a gulp of his pint and wipes his mouth. “Obviously, they’re charmed and only dump intruding emotions on Nick the Dick.”

Harry frowns. “But, that’s still-“

“Don’t interrupt, Harold. It’s very rude. I know they still take emotions from everybody without consent. Really, though, who wouldn’t want just a smidge less of those feelings? Slightly unethical, perhaps, but I’m sure no one will be too upset.”

Niall shakes with laughter, rocking back and forth, his eyes scrunched closed. Wiping his eye, he catches his breath. “I may have left Nick a tiny gift as well.”

Frowning, Liam glances back and forth around the table. “You really should be careful.”

“None of that sensible talk, Lee-yum.” Louis waves a vague hand at Liam and leans closer to Niall. “Naughty, naughty, Niall. Tell me everything.”

Niall smirks. “I might have drizzled itching elixir on all of the spare clothes he keeps in the back.”

Liam gasps, Zayn rolls his eyes, Louis cackles. Harry prompts, “And?”

Picture of innocence, Niall looks up at the ceiling. “And all of his books.”

Harry hums.

Niall clears his throat. “And maybe the packet of biscuits he thinks is well hidden but it’s a nontoxic variety and that’s it. I swear!”

Louis shakes with silent laughter and slaps Liam’s back a few times. “Lighten up, Li, we deserve to have some fun after the day we’ve had. What about you, Zayn?”

Zayn looks up over his glass. “Hm?”

Louis scoffs. “Oh, come off it. I know you did something. Now tell us what terrible spell you cast to make Nick miserable so we can all have a good laugh.”

“Er…” Zayn scratches at his neck and steals a glance at Liam.

Slamming his drink down on the table, Louis gasps in outrage, swinging his head back and forth between Liam and Zayn. “You have got to be shitting me. You’ve been sitting here, acting like a boy scout, and you teamed up with Zayner.” Louis scoots closer to Liam and rests his chin on an open palm. “Spill.”

Muffling a cough with his fist, Liam looks down at the table as a blush creeps up along his neck. “Uh…”

“It was my idea, really.” Harry murmurs and downs the last of his beer.

Louis shrieks and drums the table with his fists, making everything shake. “You three conspired against my least favorite person in the world and I wasn’t included? Am I nothing to you?”

“Pretty much,” Zayn tosses out.

“Jealousy is such an unflattering look, Zayn. Everyone knows I’m the best pranker here.” Louis snaps. “Someone who isn’t Harry get another round and someone who is Harry regale me with your Louis-less and clearly inferior revenge scheme.”

“I’ll go.” Zayn slides out and disappears into the standing crowd.

“Well!” Harry waves his hands over the table with a dramatic air. “It seems that I’m getting better at divining so I thought of something to test it out. I needed help, though, ‘cos I’m no good at spell weaving or telekinesis.”

Liam coughs, “Debatable.”

Flapping a hand, Louis lets out a long suffering sigh. “That was so five hours ago, Liam, learn to let things go. Besides, we already know how much you like choking on things.”

Liam splutters indignantly. Waving a soothing hand, Harry continues. “That was an exception, Liam, and I already apologized. Anyway. My clearly superior idea – thank you very much, Louis – was to have Zayn write a spell that would cover the entire store and use both divination and telekinesis.” Harry tips his head and squints one eye. “Only it’s more of intention reading but that’s half of what divination is anyway. Everyone really chooses their own future and such.”

Louis snaps his fingers. “The point. Get to it.”

“Testy,” Niall chuckles.

“The point is that Zayn wrote a spell that infers what a person will buy when they walk in and causes whatever it is to leave its proper place and hide elsewhere until they leave.” Harry shrugs. “Oops?” The four of them dissolve into laughter.

Throwing his hands into the air, Louis gasps. “Wait, wait, wait, so you’re telling me that you three teamed up to write a spell that will eventually force Nick out of business? Brilliant!”

Zayn slides back into the booth and pushes the beers over. “Rejoice, alcohol.”

“Thanks, Zayn.” Frowning thoughtfully, Harry takes a sip. “That won’t happen, will it? Nick will figure out what’s going on in a day or two and have someone come round to clear the place of enchantments, right?”

“Knowing Nick? No fucking way,” Louis beams.

Liam groans, “Louis’ right.”

“Cheers to that!” Louis shouts, raising his drink.

“We just made our employer an emotional mess that is going to be itchy inside and out whose business will undoubtedly go into foreclosure before he admits anything is wrong.”

“And that deserves a toast!” Louis still has his drink raised, glancing around the table expectedly.

“Former employer,” Zayn adds helpfully.

“Yeah, cheers.” Liam sighs. He raises his drink and adds, “Cheers to finding new jobs!”

“To Harry’s resistance to carnal needs!” Louis cries.

“To having some time off!” Niall yells.

“To never eating sweets again.” Zayn supplies.

Harry raises his glass last, clinking his with each of the boys. “To the five of us, sticking together, whatever happens.” He adds with a chorus of agreements.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Magical AU (can be Harry Potter, can be magical realism, can be whatever) where a potion/spell render everyone paralysed by love/lust to do anything, and Harry (grey-aro, ace) is the only one left to save the say. If you want you can do romantic-Larry endgame, but it's honestly not the focus, I would like a queerplatonic relationship though :) (Also non-cis characters are always accepted but not an obligation ahah)
> 
> For Stria. I hope - if nothing else - this made you laugh.


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